Struggling to Praise

I don’t know if you have ever experienced a day….or days where the Holy Spirit just continues to wreck you – in the best way possible. That’s been me. See my hand? Yeah, right there. That’s me. Wrecked. By Him, and for Him. And there is nothing that soothes my soul more than my Daddy sweetly speaking to me time and time again. Nothing sweeter than being wrecked by God.

But you see – that hasn’t been the case last year. Quite the contrary actually. I have been fighting Him. Questioning Him. Seeking Him, yet – not so much finding Him. I had been hurt, rejected, humiliated and thrown out in the trash. At least, that’s how I felt. I felt like God had abandoned me when I needed Him most. I couldn’t feel Him, or His presence. It was like, one day he was there, and the next there was nothing left but a girl with a hardened heart and a suitcase, that to the blind eye was completely empty. But to the one carrying it, it was so heavy I could barely walk a foot without taking a rest from all the weight that it bore.

My heart was heavily burdened from the things that had recently taken place in my life – and I wanted to blame God. Correction. I did blame God. I tried to blame the enemy, I tried to pray, and see that the enemy was clearly attacking me exactly where he knew to. But, it didn’t seem to work. I didn’t work. I didn’t want to. I started spending less and less time with God. I stopped praying for the things I knew I needed to pray about the most. Really, I think it’s safe to say I pretty much stopped praying altogether. Other than the little here and there prayers in passing – I was done.

Believe it or not I faced days…days that I struggled so much, with so many questions that I was so confused with what I actually believed. I couldn’t understand how my God – the same guy we gave up everything for – could have brought me to this place. I was a giant ball of confusion. It was an ugly mess.

Confusion is the enemies breeding ground for destruction. He is the master at weaving the web of lies in every which direction. If there is confusion in your life, you better believe that Satan is sitting right behind it – laughing at our heartache and tears. He takes what truth we know and starts to muddle it with questions and doubt. Doubt about the promises we know are true. The promises that God himself has made to us. Questions of whether or not we can really trust the truth in HIS word. We question the very calling that God has so clearly placed on our lives. Can I just say STOP?! Unthink – and remember that He is for you, and not against you. Remember that the enemy is under your feet, and that is where he belongs. Remember that you have authority over all the power of the enemy.

There really is something so beautiful about our darkest moments. I believe that God takes them, and paints them into this beautiful masterpiece. A masterpiece that as each stroke hits our lives, even though we can’t see it – and at times it might even look ugly, once each stroke is in it’s proper place it is breathtakingly beautiful. Just as you are.

I understand that sometimes, the truth that you know is easier read,  than actually applied. I understand that in the moments of your hurt it is easier to run for the dark hidden place, instead of turning and embracing the light. But friends, we were created for light! We were not created to walk in the shadows of darkness and despair. He created us to be the light of the world!

So many times I have looked back and asked God to help me understand what the purpose of this past season has been, and often times I am met with a whole lot of nothing. I think there has been purpose in that though. I think that in my mindless wandering, He has been teaching me. Teaching me much about myself, and the areas I need to be strengthened in. I believe that we often learn more from the hard seasons, than we do when life is seemingly wonderful. So though they may be hard times, embrace them and cling to the One who is the same today, yesterday and forever. God takes the hurt and despair that the enemy tries so hard to destroy us with and makes it into something amazing.

The enemy wants us to surrender our praise, because he knows that it is in our praise that we find our identity in Christ. It is through our praise that we recognize the works that God is continually doing on our behalf. It is through our praise that our hearts align with the heart of God. If I can offer you a morsel of encouragement, it would be to keep praising, no matter what. Go back, read your journal and become reacquainted with all the things that God has already done. If you don’t journal, take a moment to remember those things He has already done, and thank Him for them. Thank God for your current season, and the beauty that will come out of it. Thank Him for delivering you to a place of newness. Thank Him for His unfailing goodness. Through your praise your burdens will seem less heavy and your heart will become lighter. You have to praise through the process, to get to the promise.

Does your life reflect the breeding ground of the enemy, or the beauty of the soil and seed carefully placed by God? He is indeed, all that we need.  It is time to take back, what the enemy has stolen my sweet friend.

The Most Incredible Thing…

I have been trying to figure out just how to articulate my four day stay in Boston ever since I woke up yesterday morning next to strongest little munchkin I know. I’m not sure I have quite found the words…but I am going to try anyway.

The time I had with her offered many times for me to spontaneously burst into tears, but yesterday morning I couldn’t help but feel totally overwhelmed with emotion. Here I am lying next to this amazing little overcomer, who just two months ago was running around and playing dress-up with her sisters and my daughter. Now, she lies here with a very big task in front of her; totally relearning everything she once knew, all while fighting against this beast inside of her. And she does it all with an astounding amount of courage, patience, grace, strength and most of all joy.

This past week has been particularly trying for Savannah because on top of radiation and chemo, her desire to eat or drink anything has left. She had to get an IV to ensure she is getting enough fluids to stay hydrated AND she had to get a NG tube to ensure that she is getting the proper nutrition, to which she was having a very hard time adjusting to. Yet, despite all of these things, and even through her moments of brief frustrations and crying out – there is this beautiful little girl who is full of so. much. joy. In fact, it is an unusual amount of joy for a child going through what she is…joy that I believe comes from He who lives in her.

Though her body is spent, she still wants to play and do all the things she once did. We had so much fun together. We had a tea party, colored, took walks, talked, read, FaceTimed, snuggled, and my most favorites were just being silly with her and singing with her. She loves to sing. She would light up every time we would sing. She loves seeing her sisters and brother, and when they were there, it was so awesome to watch. They love her so much, and though they are young themselves, they have this gentleness and care for Savannah that is just amazing. They tell her how beautiful she is and try to include her in the things they are doing. They love snuggling her. They would all try to be the one that got to snuggle up right next to her.  It was so sweet. Those three are also handling all of this with an amount of understanding and awesomeness that doesn’t seem possible for a 6, 8 and 10 year old. I do attribute that to the way Scott and Jo have continually pointed them to Jesus, not just in all of this, but all throughout their lives.

Over the course of a few days I was able to watch Savannah make tremendous strides, and overcome very frustrating obstacles. Every time she was able to do something new you could see the amount of pride in her sweet face. She is indeed, a fighter.

As we were having worship on Sunday, we were talking about verses, and God very clearly placed Isaiah 43:19 on my heart; “For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness. I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.”. To me, I immediately knew what He was saying. It was a reminder to us that even though Savannah may face set backs, there is still progress. To not be discouraged because He, The Master Physician, was healing her right in front of our very eyes; even if we were not able to see all aspects of that healing. 

Another verse that comes to mind when I look at my beautiful friend and her family is Proverbs 3:5-6;  ^“5Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; ⁶ In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will direct your paths.”. They are literally living this verse every single day of their lives right now, in ways that they have never had to do before. To no surprise, they too, do it with amazing grace and joy. Their entire life as they knew it was flipped upside down in an instant, and yet, they make a choice every day to wake up and trust God. Trusting that He is sovereign, and that He is taking care of their baby. They are not angry or bitter like so many in their situation might be, but they are joyful and thankful. They light up that hospital like you wouldn’t believe. They are inspiring thousands of people throughout the world with their story, including me. They themselves will not take any credit for this, but I think it is important to remember that God has given them the free will (just the same as you and me) to choose what they believe, how they react and move forward in every situation, and each time, they choose God and choose to trust Him. For that reason, I admire my friends so much. 

The road is still long, with unexpected turns that are bound to come up. I know that God has got Sweet Savvy right in the palm of His hand. I know that He has seen all of this (just as He has seen all the trials you may be currently facing), before she was ever even created. He knew that Joann and Scott would be incredible Champions not only for Savannah and their family, but for Himself too. He knew that their story would bring thousands of people to their knees, only to look up and see Him and His glory. He has seen Savannah’s testimony play out, and I can only imagine just how beautiful it is. I can’t wait to see what our Creator has already seen with that beautiful child, and their entire family.

^“11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

B.U.S.Y.

Lets face it; life is busy. Always on the go, and on to the next best thing. Not realizing that in the midst of our busyness we are losing something. That something that holds us together. At first, it slips away slowly and quietly, almost unnoticed. So we continue on with our lives. We continue to fill our schedules, and make plans with friends. It feels good, other then the temporary exhaustion from never stopping – we are busy being busy. Nights get longer, and mornings come a lot more quickly. We start to sleep past our alarm…or we stop setting it altogether. We’re tired, but as they say, the “show must go on”!

Then it hits. Where is God in the midst of our crazy schedule? What has happened to that still small voice – to that intimate relationship that we once had with Him? We used to be so close, and now it feels like we are miles away. We are exactly where the enemy wants us. In fact, this has been his plan all along. To distract us from the things that really matter in life. He has successfully, and only temporarily pulled us a little further away from God.

I recently heard an acronym for the word busy…it reads like this:

Being

Under

Satans

Yoke

Yikes! I have never thought about it in that way before, but now that I had – it makes perfect sense. Only because, we have been living it. We have gotten so busy that we didn’t even realize we had fallen into the enemy’s trap. Our life has been non-stop crazy. We have been on-the-go constantly, and consistently. The things that matter the most to us, unintentionally started taking a backseat to living life, and being busy. We can attest first hand to how the enemy can distract us from what really matters. We started to get back in the mindset of how am I going to do this, or how are we going to do this. Instead of leaving worry where it is meant to be left…at the feet of Jesus.

I am reminded of the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10. Jesus came to have dinner at their house. Once He was there, Martha was busy as a bee trying to prepare everything, while Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and listened to him speak. Martha got frustrated and said, ⁴⁰ “Lord, doesn’t it seem unfair to you that my sister just sits here while I do all the work? Tell her to come and help me.” But the Lord said to her “My dear Martha, you are worried and upset over all these details! ⁴² There is only one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I want to be like Mary! You see, Mary understood that the most important thing was not the food being prepared, or how nice everything looked – it was simply being still before the Lord. This is true in our lives today. Yet, we get so caught up in all the details and busyness of life that we can forget to sit and be still before the Lord. Truly, we are the ones who end up hurting because of this. We start to miss out on that intimate connection with Jesus that is like no other thing on earth! When we start to lose that, we start to lose our joy and our hope and our peace. We forget that we are not supposed to do it all on our own. That we have a loving and mighty Father who wants to help us pick up the pieces of our busy lives, and come back to a place of stillness, and oneness with Him.

Jesus says ” ⁴ Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.”(John 15:4 NLT) Meaning, if we want to continue to grow in Christ, and walk with Him we must stay connected to Him. We must continually spend time with Him. If we don’t, we wither up and die in the things we struggle the most with. He goes on to say in John 15:5 that, “⁵ “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing.” He is our source of everything good and fulfilling. He is our source of life. Apart from Him, I can try…but most often I find myself in that place of brokenness. 

God has shown me how staying “busy” has been affecting my life. The enemy is very cunning, and he uses busyness to distract us from what we truly need the most in our lives as believers; time alone in the presence of God. If you too, are finding yourself in the middle of a crazy busy season, I would encourage you to reevaluate why you are there.  Are the things you are doing absolute necessities? Are there any areas in your busyness that you can cut out? He calls us to slow down, to set aside our busy schedule and just be still. I get it, it can be hard to be still. We are conditioned to believe that busyness equals fulfillment. For me, the importance of my relationship with God is invaluable and worth giving up other things to remain in Him. When I find myself in Him, all of my worries fall away. I find my joy again, and no longer have to carry my burdens. He takes them, and gives me His yoke, which is easy and His burdens, which are light. I find rest for my soul and my mind in the presence of the Lord . I want His yoke…not the enemy’s.

“Come close to God, and God will come close to you.” (James 4:8 NLT) If God’s voice is like a whisper, how close to Him do we have to be to hear it?

Confessions of a Christian…

First – I want to clear this little bit up; I am absolutely, undoubtedly, forever and ever a follower of Christ. He has my heart before anyone, or anything else. I believe that He died on the cross at the cost of my sin, my life – and yours, too. I believe that every day He showers me with an unimaginable amount of mercy and grace. But – I have a few confessions to make. They go like this.

I am not perfect. What was that? Yup – you read it right. Despite what you have heard, or may have been told – as a christian – I am not perfect. I stumble, a lot. But I have this thing called Grace. It’s a gift that through the blood of Christ, I have been given. Every. Single. Day. Thank you Jesus for your unending grace!

I am every bit the sinner that you are. If I weren’t, I mean – if we as people, could really live a perfect life free from sin we wouldn’t need Christ. His death would have been in vain. But I can’t – and I am going to go out on a limb and say that you, can’t either. We all have our sin issues – our daily struggles. It’s just the reality of life. Sin, both big and small is still sin. I just choose to work on mine every day. I don’t want to be the sinner that I am. I want to be better not just for myself, but for my family…for you, and for the person I have yet to meet. I want to be better because Christ died so that I may have eternal life – I want to be better to glorify Him!

The old has gone, and the new has come (2 Corinthian 5:17) – but this does not mean that the “old” doesn’t come back every once in a while and show its ugly face.  When it does, it can be really hard to forget that it is gone. It can be hard to “let go” of that person that I once was. Old habits die hard, right?

I struggle with insecurity. This is a real struggle of mine at times. I’m not good enough. Not smart enough. Not equipped for the things He is calling me to do. Some days the list feels endless. Though – I know who I am in Christ, and I know what He says about me. Sometimes connecting the head knowledge with the heart knowledge is hard.

I am weak. It is only through His strength that I have been able to, and am continuously able to overcome the troubles and the trials. His strength, His mercy and yes – His amazing grace!

My relationships are not perfect. Though I try to model the love that Christ has shown me, there are times that I fail, because I am human. With my own one-of-a-kind a la carte menu of fleshly desires. Because most relationships consist of two imperfect people – I would be shocked to find one perfect relationship.

I’m not the perfect parent. I want to be. I want to always extend the same love and grace to my girls, that God extends to me daily – but I don’t. I fall short. I fail, I learn and I try to be better.

I am not judging you. Judgment is not mine. I am no more qualified to judge you – then you are to judge me. I have sin, just like you. I will live my life as I feel called to live it, loving God and loving others. No matter how you live your life – I will still love you – not just because of me – sometimes it is only because of He who lives in me.

My words are not always filled with rainbows and butterflies. I am human, I say things that I regret. I pray that God would always guard my mouth, but sometimes the guard loosens and I slip. I don’t like it, but it happens. My life is filled with His grace. Thank God for that!

My life is not my own. It is for Him to use as He sees fit. Even when it scares me to think of the things He has in store, I will still walk in it. I am honored that He would use me to point even one person to Christ.

I am sure the list could go on forever. The point that I am trying to make is –  because someone is a Christian, does not mean that they are perfect. Too often, we are expected to “perform” by a certain standard, but if we slip then we are not “good christians”.  Judgment starts almost immediately. 7 “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. 2 For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. (Matthew 7:1-3 NLT) I do agree that as Christians we need to fight past our flesh every day and strive to be Christlike. That when we “take on the new life” – it ought to look like we have taken on a new life. The Bible clearly lays out what kind of fruit we should be producing – love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galatians 3:22-23) These, along with many others laid out in the Bible, are the standards to which I try my best to live my life by – but when it comes to my everyday normal life I will not be perfect every single time. We are all imperfect people trying to find our way through life the best that we know how. We each stumble, we each fall down. They key is to always keep moving forward. All I can hope for is that you extend me the same grace that I extend you – which is the same grace that He extends to us all! His mind blowing grace abounds every single day – in all situations. He is the redeemer of all my sin, He is so so good to us.

20 For no one can ever be made right with God by doing what the law commands. The law simply shows us how sinful we are.21 But now God has shown us a way to be made right with him without keeping the requirements of the law, as was promised in the writings of Moses and the prophets long ago. 22 We are made right with God by placing our faith in Jesus Christ. And this is true for everyone who believes, no matter who we are. 23 For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard. 24 Yet God freely and graciously declares that we are righteous. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. (Romans 3:20-24 NLT)

The Choice – For Better or For Worse

Always be full of joy in The Lord. I say it again – rejoice! (Phillipians 4:4 NLT)

Sometimes, we find ourselves in the middle of these messes, that we don’t feel like we can get out of. Maybe you have made mistakes, and feel like there is no redeeming them, or correcting the situation. Or, maybe the mess is one that you feel like you haven’t had any control over, but here you are…right in the middle of it any way. When we find ourselves in these places it seems that there is always a decision to be made.

The past few months have been tough for my family. Details that I won’t go into, but it has put me in this place where I have been facing two roads. One road will lead me to Jesus – and the other – the enemy. One road is filled with unexplainable joy, and the other filled with uncertainty and lies. Most days, I choose the Jesus road with intentionality – but the days I’m not intentional, I can feel it and so can everyone around me. I’m stuck, in a rut, and I am not sure how to get out. I hate those days.

Not surprisingly, the “other” road is also usually the easy road. When I say easy, I don’t mean that it will make our life easier or fix our circumstances…just that it’s something that we can easily fall in to. Most often, the road that seems easy, turns out to be the hard road disguised.

When you find yourself in this place, it can feel like the Jesus road is nearly impossible to continue on. Especially if things haven’t gone quite the way you expected them to go.  You can’t understand why you are still in this place. You’ve done everything that He has asked you to do. You thought that this time, it was all going to change, only – it hasn’t. So, here you are – looking down this road that you have been walking on for what feels like eternity. You’re tired, even a little beat up and you feel like you have no more fight in you. But remember – you are exactly where He wants you. 36 Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised. (Hebrews 10:36 NLT)

I’ll admit, I have found myself in this place of needing to choose more than I care to share. It’s hard. But here is what I have realized; The choice is ours. It really is. We get to choose whether we let our circumstances defeat us. We get to choose which road that we walk on. In fact, we have to choose with intentionality which road to walk on. Otherwise, by default we end up on the wrong one.

Believe it or not, we get to choose joy. Even if life is crazy and a mess, we still can choose joy – by choosing Jesus. God wants us to live a life where even when it seems hard, we can still wake up every day and walk in His mercy and His grace. Each day the Holy Spirit can fall afresh on each one of us – filling us with His hope and His joy, if we choose to allow Him in.

Life is full of challenges, and if we let them – they can absolutely consume us into a place of paralysis. Another choice. We choose our day-to-day attitudes, even if we can’t always choose our day-to-day circumstances.

God never intended for us to walk the Jesus road alone. Though, I know at times it may feel like you are. He is always there. Whether you hear Him, or not. Keep choosing the road that leads to Him. It is far better to walk the road less traveled for His righteousness, then to fall into a pit of despair because things aren’t lining up how you thought they should. The enemy wants you to believe that his way, the so-called easy way, will provide much relief and pleasure. Jesus says “10 The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” (John 10:10 NLT)

Today, I choose to trust Him, and believe Him. Today, I choose to walk the Jesus road because I know that is where I find fullness of life, and everlasting joy. The choice is also yours…will you make it for the better, or for the worse?

24 This is the day that the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad. (Psalm 118:24 ESV)

Where Are Your Roots Planted?

“Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.”  Colossians 2:7 NLT

What if more of us approached our walk with Christ like this? Allowing His word to take such root in our hearts that we are unshakeable. That the very foundation of our hearts and minds are built around His truth. Then, we could stand firm in our belief, and our spiritual experience would be made complete in Him. We could go through our days rejoicing for all the He has done, and all that He is still doing.

Where are your roots planted? Try focusing on Him today, instead of all the chaos that might be surrounding you. Allowing His promises and truth to take root in your heart and mind. Give thanks to Him today. For when we are busy giving thanks, there is no room for doubt and despair!

Weighted…

Sitting here, I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. God, you have brought us to this place, and I know you won’t forsake us now, but sometimes I feel so alone, and so abandoned. There are all of these promises have been made, that are coming…but are no where in sight. LORD – don’t you hear our cries? Don’t you know that we left everything we knew, to follow you? Haven’t we proved our faithfulness to you, yet?

But YOU God – You say that your promises are true, and that your faithful love endures forever. You say that we need not to worry about what food we will eat – for after all, you feed the birds, don’t you? You tell us not to worry for there is wonderful joy ahead, even though we must endure some trials for a little while. You tell us that you, Oh Sovereign Lord, will fight for us, we need only to be still. OK – I believe you, I trust you.

Can you relate?

In these moments, in these times, we must remember what He has told us. We must push past all of the lies that the enemy is trying to bombard us with, and remember His truth. It is these moments that are our refining, and defining moments. Will we choose to walk in the other direction, and let the enemy win? Or will we walk firmly and with intention in the direction that He is calling us to go?

It would be easy to turn our backs and go in the other direction. In the direction of all of the things that may seem more appealing, and easier. To all the things that we know won’t give us any lasting satisfaction, if any at all. I think I’ll take the longer, often more trying road. The road that leads to everlasting life. The road that, along the way may seem harder, and at times makes me want to turn around and run – not walk, in the other direction. Because it is that road that teaches me. It is that road that makes me more like Him!

Everyday I want to be like Him. Everyday I pray that He takes ahold of my life and changes me.  I pray that each day He gives me the strength to endure what lies ahead of me. That every day, He would use me for the benefit of others. If these things are true, and these are the things that I desire – then I must be willing to endure for a little while, while He refines me.

It’s ok if you feel like you don’t have it all together. It’s ok if you don’t have that peace that surpasses all understanding right now. Don’t beat yourself up if you feel like you can’t feel His presence. You need to know that feeling like this is OK. These are normal reactions to our every day life. Life can be hard, and trying, and sometimes we feel emptied. But we can’t stay there. We must push past all of those feeling and press into Him. “23 Let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God.” (Ephesians 4:23-24 NLT) We must press into Him, even when that feels like the last thing we want to do. When we do, when we come out on the other side – we will see His hand at work in all of it.

He is our ultimate Comforter, and He rescues us from our troubles. He will help you through even the hardest times. He will give you a joy that doesn’t make any sense. He will fill that place that seems so dark and empty. Even on my hardest days, days that I question everything, I will never question the true love of God; because “8 Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” (Hebrews 13:8 NLT) His love never changes and it never fails. Love isn’t always easy. Sometimes, out of love, we have to say or do things that might hurt, to help another person grow. The same is true about God. We go through things so we can become better versions of ourselves. He allows those things because He loves us; because He can see the full potential of who He created us to be. It is through the hard stuff that we change. Sometimes, our trials are like a test…which direction will you go?  Don’t give up on Him, because He has not given up on you.

Letting go…and letting God.

We have all heard this saying before. It rolls off our tongues with ease, and it is also easy to think about doing. However, thinking  and doing – are two very different things.

God can only bless you by the measure in which you allow Him to bless you. You cannot expect Him to radically change your life, if you are not willing to lay it all down at His feet.  Allowing Him to move in, and be a part of it.  That would be like going to get your hair cut and saying “I want to radically change the way I look…but I don’t want you to cut my hair, in fact, I don’t even want you to touch it.” What is your stylist to do then?

It has been my experience that often times we want God to come in and change things, but we are  unwilling to surrender everything. We are willing to give Him those things that are easy to give to Him. The things that don’t make our life any more “scary”.

Over the last few years God has been asking my husband and I to lay things down. To be clear, when I say “things”…I mean EVERYTHING. It hasn’t been everything all at once, but it has been everything, one thing after the next. I don’t mean little things either. I’m talking the things that we as a culture cling to. Physical security, financial security, everything…it’s gone. The only security we have, is found only in Him, and through Him.

Most recently, God asked my husband to walk away from the job that he has had for the last 2 years. In this process of removing and pruning – this seems to be the last link holding us back from everything that He is calling us to do. If you have “followed” our journey at all, you know that stepping on to the what the world considers the “crazy train” is not something that is new to us. So he did. As of today, my husband is no longer employed. We no longer have the financial security that the world offers us. We rest only in knowing that we do serve a God that is mighty, a God that provides and a God who keeps His incredible promises to us. We have this supernatural peace in knowing that God loves us, and has made promises to us – that He will follow through on.

This decision didn’t come easy, because we live in a world that is completely money driven. We work our days and nights away to pay for the homes we live in, the food we eat, the clothes we wear, the cars we drive…I could go on and on – but I think you get the picture. Having a steady income told us that we would be able to pay our monthly bills. That we had security in this house that God just provided for us. That we would have food in our cupboards. THAT is what the world and  a steady income has told us. But His word has told us that “Every word of God proves true. He is a shield to all who come to him for protection.” (Proverbs 30:5 NLT). It is also my God that says “If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it.” (Luke 17:33 NLT) So in that, I find my rest. In that, I find my hope and my joy. In God’s promises I find His supernatural peace.

Each season that we have walked through, has been so tough. There have been many tears shed. Many times where we knew that He was at work, but we couldn’t quite see His bigger purpose plan, so we became frustrated that His timing, was not our timing. As I type I am brought to tears over everything that we have overcome in these last few years. My heart is overwhelmed by His love for us. It is because He loves us so much that He takes things away. He takes the things away from us that are getting in the way of who we are called to be. The things that are skewing our vision to see His vision for our lives. The things that He has revealed to us through all of this are incredible. The things that He is calling me and my husband to do are beyond anything that we could ever imagine…even in our wildest dreams! And, we have only been brought to this place to know them, because we have surrendered everything.

I tell you all of this, because I know that God has a greater calling on your life, too. I know how scary it is to walk away from things that you hold onto for security. I know what is feels like to battle within yourself about knowing what you need to do, but wanting to hold on to what feels safe. I know the fear that comes along with “What are people going to think? Can I really do this? Are you sure you did not make a mistake God?”. I know how all of that feels. I have walked in it…at times, I still walk in it! Our journey with God is not always a “walk in the park”…I don’t believe that it was ever meant to be. How would we ever learn to trust Him, and surrender to Him if everything just came easily?  We must walk through the tough stuff to make us better equipped for what He is calling us to do. Though the last few years have been really tough, there is not a single day that I would take back.

He always has our best interest at heart, whether it feels like it or not. Sometimes we have to step outside our feelings and press forward knowing that it’s all part of the plan. His plan. “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (Jeremiah 29:11 NLT) His plans for your life might scare you at first, but as you “let go and let God” the less scary they become. And, the less that you become, the greater that He becomes in you. Beloved, with Him working in you, there is nothing that you cannot do. He will never call you to a task that He will not equip you for. Ask God what He is asking you to lay down at His feet, and do it. When you do, do not be surprised when He moves.

He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less. (John 3:30 NLT)

Will You Be Brave?

When we lived in Oregon, I went to work, I came home, spent a brief time with my family and went to bed. Only to wake up the next day to do it all over again. It was what I was told was normal from the time I was a child. You grow up, you work and everything else falls into the places in between. You have to fit your life and purpose, into the cracks of your work. While I loved my job, and the paycheck it provided…I did not love that it came at the cost of the family, and life that I had always dreamed of. I did not love knowing that God had a bigger purpose in mind for my life, yet there I was.

I believe that if we are honest with ourselves, the majority of us would agree with how I felt. You might agree that you have fallen into the pattern of letting life live you. That you are accidentally making it through every day. I would ask you; where has your intentionality gone? Where has that passion and zeal for life that you once had gone? At which “speed bump” on your road of life did it fall out of the car? Most importantly, why are you ok with that? Why have we become so complacent with our lives?

We only have one life to live, one chance to do the things that we feel “called” to do. One chance to give it everything we’ve got. One chance. That’s it. Once chance to pursue God and the desires He has placed in our hearts. I think we each have moments in our life where we think “That’s it! I am tired of living life like this; there has got to be more!” Beloved, there is more. As you were growing in your mothers womb God already knew your name, He already had the plans for your life laid out. He has only been waiting for you to come to Him, and seek Him for that life. He will reveal His plans to you, the closer you get to Him.

Gods voice is like a whisper. If you are far away you will never hear what He is saying to you; but the closer you get the louder He becomes. The better you can discern what He is saying to you. As you get closer to Him, He will ask you to do things that may feel uncomfortable. He may even ask you to do things that seem completely illogical, do them any way. Each time that you step out into what God is asking you to do, He is pruning you, to prepare you for what lies ahead.

It reminds me of the story of the lame man in John Chapter 5. He had been sick for thirty-eight years. Jesus asked him if he wanted to get well, and his natural response was – I can’t. You see, in his human mind he thought; I have not been able to walk for thirty-eight years, I can’t stand up and walk. But Jesus told him “Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk!”  (John 5:8 NLT) And he did. God did His part when He healed him, but it was his job to be obedient and move. To the man, it seemed impossible, but what he didn’t immediately understand was that, with God, nothing is impossible.

It occurs to me that we are stuck in this same “stinkin’ thinkin”. We are so used to, and comfortable with our everyday norm, that when an opportunity to “get up and walk” comes along, we shutter with fear. All the thoughts of inadequacy start flooding in. The lies of the enemy become so intense and so strong that we eventually give in to them. We give up the opportunity to walk in God’s best for us. That is so sad to me. Do you have any idea what you were made for?

Now, don’t get me wrong – I know that there are so many people who feel called to do exactly what they are doing, and that is great. You have found your sweet spot, God’s best for you. BUT – if you are among those who have this constant desire and drive for something more – there is a reason for that. He has placed those things inside of you, and He will help you accomplish them, if you would only trust Him. God has created each one of us different from any other. Which means, that each one of us has something different to give. How awesome is that! You have been given the unique ability to do something, in a way that no one else can do. He has called you by your very name, and He has appointed you to a specific work for His Kingdom.  “Arise! For this matter is your responsibility, but we will be with you; be courageous and act.” (Ezra 10:4 NASB)

Do not let fear and the enemy win. Be brave and take action. Even if it seems like what He is calling you to do will be impossible; or so big that you wouldn’t know where to begin. If He has placed that inside of you, and has asked you to step out into it – He will equip you every step of the way. You will not be alone. Not only will God be leading, but others will be cheering you on too! I want to see a revolution of God’s people stepping out in faith and pursuing the desires of their heart. Can you imagine what the world would look like? I want to see people start shutting out the lies of the enemy and pushing back on the fear that starts to rise up. I want to see you be brave!

I would love to hear about the things God has placed on your heart. Dig deep, listen to the voice of God and pull out those dreams that you have stuffed down deep inside. Will you be brave and share what you feel called to do?

“Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don’t be afraid or discouraged by the size of the task, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.” (1 Chronicles 28:20 NLT)

He Did What?!

Here we are in the first week of January. Almost a month since my last post. It has been a crazy month. Filled with all things Christmas, packing, gift wrapping (and unwrapping – of course), and seeking God probably more than we ever have. A month filled with incredible anticipation and wonder. A month filled with lots and lots of prayer. A month of waiting. Just. Waiting. Waiting on God to show us where we were going to live. A month of waiting on God to prepare hearts and situations so that mountains could be moved, so that we would have a home. And not just any home, our home. If I had just one more thing to say, it would be that God is faithful. As I type I am sitting in my new gorgeous home that sits on top of a hill on 6 acres. If you know me and my husband, having a property with land has been one of our dreams. It is so beautiful. How appropriate, right? Every morning, I can watch the sun rise and every evening, the sun set all from my big front porch. I get to see all of God’s beautiful creation all around me, every single day. He didn’t give me exactly what I wanted…He gave me so much more. He. Is. Faithful.

It is hard to know where to start. So much has happened in this last month. So much of God orchestrating. There is no doubt about it, God’s hand is all over this home, and our lives. I’ll start where I ended my last one. November 14th, we sent back our contract saying we would be out of the home we were in by January 1, 2015. Mind you, we had no earthly idea where we were going to live, but we knew that God had a plan, and He would provide. From that day forward we just waited. We didn’t frantically look for a home, in fact – we didn’t look for a home at all. God specifically told us to just wait, to not look. To totally surrender to Him. That meant, trusting that He was going to provide this home without the help of me, or my husband. So, we just waited on God. The days went by awfully fast, and each day that went by was another day that we didn’t know where we were going to live. Still, we waited, and we trusted. We knew that God was doing something, even if we couldn’t see it.

As the days and weeks went by, we had friends and family asking us almost daily how we were doing. We were great. We were peaceful. God had given us His supernatural peace, the peace that surpasses ALL rational understanding. 19 days out we fasted again…seeking God all throughout the day. Coming together every hour, on the hour to pray together; to seek God and His provision. During one of our prayer times together God said “Now look, Look now”. I wasn’t sure if that meant right this second, or now it’s time, it’s ok for you to look. So we looked that moment and saw nothing. Over the next few weeks we looked occasionally when we felt prompted, but nothing more.

Then, Jeremy had this wild idea that he wasn’t quite sure where God wanted us to live. Umm, what?! We had our eyes set on one particular area ever since we moved here. Naturally, that is where we had been looking. Really, for no other reason than that’s where we said we wanted to live eventually; but our life wasn’t there. Our life was now built around where we lived. Did we really want to move from everything we knew? From all of the relationships we had built? Not really, but we had already invested so much time in this other area. Two and half weeks out from the day we needed to be out, my husband wanted to change his mind?! No thank you, that was not for me.

Two weeks until move day and not a single house in sight. I was packing up my home, but had no idea where I would be unpacking. Finally, I said OK God – I surrender, wherever you have a home is where I want to be. We have come this far, I trust you. That same day, I looked, and the same day I found this home. It just so happened to be the complete other side of town, from where we originally thought we would end up. Sometimes, our idea is not God’s idea; but in those times, God’s ideas are so much better ours. So much more amazing than we cold ever imagine! That was Wednesday, December 17th. On Friday we came out to look at this home and loved it. On Saturday we were signing papers. The following Friday we got our keys and started moving in.

All the details surrounding this home and our move are mind blowing. For a month we prayed for God to prepare the hearts of those we would be working with, and for Him to orchestrate the situation just right. He did, to the very last detail. We wondered, with the all the holidays where we would come up with the extra money to get into a new home. He provided, to the exact dollar amount we needed. We had a budget of what our monthly payments would need to look like. The day that I looked, it had just been listed for our exact budget. Each week, for the three weeks prior to that day, the price was lowered to get someone in this house.

This past month was a crazy month for sure. Most days came with so much ease, it didn’t make any sense; but not all days. There were a few days that I seriously questioned our decision, but with lots of prayer, I made it to the next with a fresh outlook and a newfound hope. Just because you surrender your life to Christ, doesn’t mean that you will never have moments or days of worry. It doesn’t mean that all of life’s challenges just disappear overnight. It means that daily you have the choice to surrender your life, your will, your thoughts and your actions at the foot of the cross. Daily, you get to choose what you will believe that day. You get to choose whether you let your circumstances determine your attitude and outlook. If you choose God dependence— He will guide you through each day with His thoughts. You can rest assured that there will be a steadfastness of mind. If you choose self-dependence – you never know where your mind can lead, and that my friends, is scary to me.

I know that living a God-dependent life can sometimes feel uncertain. But there is never any uncertainty in Christ, “7 for we walk by faith, not by sight…” (2 Corinthians 5:7 NASB). I feel like truly walking by faith alone…not having a “backup plan” is seldom found our society today. We are so programed to make sure that we have a plan and backup plan for everything, and if those plans fail a plan for that too, and so on. When God is the focal point of your world, you don’t need a back up plan; because HE works out all the details – even when to us it looks impossible or uncertain. He is our only plan…and I wouldn’t have it any other way. This is not the first time we have walk out in “blind faith”, and it won’t be the last either. For us, each day is a new day for God to show us where to walk. We don’t take what He says lightly, either. He has been so faithful through everything that He has asked us to do. What we can’t see is usually what matters most. As we prayed for our new home, God was already working out the details of it for months. Even though He didn’t reveal it to us until two weeks before we were supposed to move. He is faithful, all the time.

Don’t be afraid to stand out among the crowd and do something that the “world” may view as foolish or crazy. The more people watching – the better for God’s glory when they see all that He is capable of! “11 May He give you the power to accomplish all the good things your faith prompts you to do. Then the name of our LORD Jesus will be honored because of the way you live, and you will be honored along with Him.” (2 Thessalonians 1:11-12 NLT) Don’t be afraid to put all of your hope in Him. If He is guiding you and leading you – He will always be true to His promises; even if He doesn’t pull through until the very last minute. He is the God of the 11th hour. I think there is purpose in that. We couldn’t learn all that we need to, if everything was just handed to us. Be bold, be “foolish” – step outside what feels comfortable and watch what God will do! He is just waiting for you to surrender and slow down enough so that you can hear what He is asking you to do. There is no greater joy than watching what God promises you, come to life.

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 NLT)